Family & Friends Support Guide
Supporting a loved one through recovery is challenging but crucial. Here's how to help while taking care of yourself.
Key Things to Know
- •Addiction is a complex disease, not a moral failing or lack of willpower
- •Recovery is possible, but it's rarely a straight path
- •Relapse can be part of recovery, not a failure
- •Your loved one needs support, not judgment
- •You cannot force someone into recovery - they must want it
Common Misconceptions
Myth: "They should just stop using."
Reality: Addiction changes brain chemistry. Stopping requires support and often medical help.
Myth: "If they loved me, they'd quit."
Reality: Addiction isn't about love. It's a disease that affects decision-making.
DO's
- ✓Educate yourself about addiction and recovery
- ✓Express concern without judgment
- ✓Set and maintain healthy boundaries
- ✓Celebrate small victories in their recovery
- ✓Take care of your own mental health
- ✓Be patient - recovery takes time
DON'Ts
- ✗Enable their addiction by covering up consequences
- ✗Give money that might be used for substances
- ✗Make threats you won't follow through on
- ✗Take their behavior personally
- ✗Try to control their recovery
- ✗Neglect your own needs
Examples of Healthy Boundaries
- •"I love you, but I won't give you money"
- •"You're welcome here when you're sober"
- •"I'll support your recovery, but I won't lie for you"
- •"I need to take care of myself too"
How to Maintain Boundaries
- Be clear and specific about your boundaries
- Communicate them calmly and firmly
- Follow through consistently
- Don't negotiate or make exceptions when emotions run high
- Remember: boundaries are about your behavior, not controlling theirs
Use "I" Statements
Instead of: "You're ruining everything!"
Try: "I feel scared when you use."
Instead of: "You never listen!"
Try: "I feel unheard when we talk about this."
Good Times to Talk
- • When they're sober and calm
- • In a private, comfortable setting
- • When you're not angry or emotional
- • After preparing what you want to say
Avoid These Conversations
- • When they're intoxicated
- • During family gatherings or public events
- • When you're angry or upset
- • Through text or social media
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn't selfish—it's necessary.
Seek Your Own Support
Consider Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or therapy for yourself
Maintain Your Life
Keep up with your hobbies, friendships, and interests
Practice Self-Compassion
You're doing your best in a difficult situation
Set Limits
It's okay to take breaks and step back when needed
Call 911 or go to the emergency room if:
- ⚠They're threatening to harm themselves or others
- ⚠They're experiencing overdose symptoms
- ⚠They're having severe withdrawal symptoms
- ⚠You fear for your safety or theirs
Remember
- • You didn't cause the addiction
- • You can't control it
- • You can't cure it
- • But you can take care of yourself
- • And you can offer support without enabling